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Falling

A year ago, I fell. It was a simple matter of a misstep. Long story short, I was going down a three-step stair and I stumbled a bit, tensed up and tried to catch myself, and ended up pulling a muscle. Funny how in one moment the way you feel can change. My back was tight for many days and weeks and months after. In fact, if I think about it, I can almost feel where it hurt. [gosh, I sound like a big baby pointing out my boo-boo.]

And exactly one year later to the very day, I found myself up on a ladder outside painting the second story of the house. As I carefully manuvered my way up with a paint brush and can of paint, I was VERY aware of gravity and I kept thinking ... "I don't like heights, I fell one year ago today, ugh, this is high, the ladder is shaking, yikes!" Fear, fear, fear.

In between the fear thoughts, I also kept thinking ... "this needs to get done, the house needs to be painted, I'm going to be fine, so what if I fell one year ago today." Stiff upper lip and all that. I also called upon my spiritual reasonings ... "If I fall," I told myself, "I'm okay, if I plummet to my death I'm okay, my people know I love them, I'm a soul and I am eternal, and I like to fly and being on this ladder is like flying really still." Started getting a little desperate at the very end there, I suppose.

Then, I remembered a friend telling me a story. When she was a girl, she wanted to learn how to ride a horse, but she was very afraid that she would fall off. So she practiced falling off that horse again and again and again. And she would get right back on the horse again and again and again. The result: she learned how to fall off a horse safely and she conquered her fear.

Well, I eventually got to the place that the Universe was giving me the opportunity to go with this ladder work. I started to truly release my pain, my body memory, and my anger at myself for falling. The failure, the misstep, and the tension melted away. My mind was relaxed and focused and I was listening to my soul again. A consciousness of new physics (almost zero gravity) was created to zen me out enough to finish painting for the day.

It is useful to respect heights; it is not useful to be scared of heights. We all fall at one time or another. And we get right back up.

Now, get me off this ladder! ;)
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